So much things had happened while I was away. I guess I was too busy cooped up in my personal life.
Things are not going well, to be honest. Last month, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. He thinks there is still a chance that we could still fix this broken relationship. I don't know. I love him so much, still, but how could I be so sure that once we patch things up, all the bad memories have been eradicated? Will we still be the same couple who we used to be? I am thinking that things will never be the same for us again and I am scared. I don't want to get hurt again.
I also don't want us to stay together for the sake of our daughter. What's the point of staying together if there is no longer love and respect between us? I don't want my daughter to witness that kind of "relationship". He tells me that I'm being selfish because I don't want to have a "whole" family. I want a "whole" family. I've been wanting that ever since I had kids. I just don't want to be like my parents who tried their best to stay together for our sake, but then eventually went on their separate ways. I want to have a family, but I don't want to compromise either.
We are still in touch. I promised him that communication will always be open between us. For the sake of our daughter.
I am not tired of loving him. I am just tired of waiting, assuming, hearing promises, saying sorry, and all the hurting. Part of me misses him and wants him back in my life, but part of me doesn't want him back. But, then again, I have to move on because it is becoming pointless. I am confused and scared. :|