I was checking my Multiply account and came across this entry. I wrote this for my boyfriend.
I want to be with you. I want to marry you. I want to spend every waking moment of the rest of my life with you. I want to cook you breakfast (even if I don't know how to cook well). I want to make you coffee or hot chocolate. I want to see you reading the morning paper while we have breakfast. I want to prepare your clothes for work. I want to do your tie. I want to kiss you goodbye when you leave for work. I want to tell you to pick the kids up from school 'cause I might run a little late from work. When we get home, I want to prepare you and our kids dinner (not "suffer"). I want us to talk about our day. After dinner, I want us to do the dishes together. I want us to put the kids to sleep. I want us to read them a story or let them watch TV for an hour. When they're asleep, I want us to talk about our day. I want to tell you how much I love you. And before I sleep, I'll thank God that He gave you to me. When it comes to household chores, we'll hire a maid if you want to, but it's fine with me if you don't. I want us to take turns doing the chores. We'll make the kids do some chores. I'll gladly do your laundry. I won't nag you about it even if the laundry basket's full. I promise to read the washing instructions before I jam all your clothes in the washing machine. I want to hang your clothes to dry and iron them for you. I want to shine your shoes. I want to see you come home from work. I want to see you sit in the sofa and smile at me and our kids. I want us to attend all of our kids programs and graduations. I want us to be there during their triumphs and tragedies. I want us to help them with their homework. I want to see them run around the house. I want you to chase them around the garden. I want you to teach them how to ride the bike. I want you to tell Kirsten that she shouldn't be maarte about bugs. I want us to go to church together during Sundays and our birthdays. I want us to help each other plan their birthday parties. I want us to have a family album full of our pictures. During the holidays, I want us to go out of town or if our budget permits it, out of the country. I want us to watch our kids grow and we'll mold them into becoming fine individuals. When they're all grown up and settled, we'll have more time for ourselves. We'll spend more time star-gazing, like what we used to do during our younger years. We'll hold hands and talk more. We'll go walk on the beach at sunrise or sunset. I'll still write poems and read them to you. We'll visit our grandchildren or they'll visit us. We'll play with them. We'll tell them that they're beautiful, just like their parents and grandparents. If you'll start having gray hair, I'd dye your hair black (yes, I know, I'll be the first one to have gray hair). We'll look back on all the things we've been through, but we'd be glad 'cause it was all worth it. I'll look into our things and reminisce. I'll tell our kids and our grandkids about our wedding. We'll show them our wedding pictures. When I'm on my deathbed, I'll always remember everything that we've been through. All the ups and downs. I'll remember the day you proposed to me. I'll remember our wedding day. I'll remember when you first held our baby boy (let's hope that we'll have a boy). I'll remember everything about you. I'd die happy 'cause I married the right man and my kids were raised well.
I was crying while writing this for him before. I cried when I read it again.
Things are just so messed up with us right now. I feel like I'm stepping on a ledge and I will fall anytime.
I can't stop crying.